There is no harder job than being a parent surely. Well there are certainly harder jobs, but for me right now and looking back, it was hard and it is still hard. What I find the hardest is not the physical aspect,but the psychological one. You make plans in your head for your children: how smart they will be, how well they will eat, how good they’ll be in sport, how they would love being outside rather than glued to a screen, how they would be connected in their grand-parents… and then you realise that they have their own plans instead… They are a bit like you, they want their integrity! When you add some medical conditions on top of that, like developmental delays, it’s easy to be on the border of depression and mental illness.
No joking! I sometimes feel that my brain can’t take any more. And it is all due to personal integrity indeed!
I always feel good when I have some time to write on this blog,but it is so rare! And not having time for myself and to being able to do things that I planned to do is what irritates me the most.
Or used to, I feel that now I have less anger moments but I also feel these moments can burst at any time. Typically after a long day having kids non stop talking and demanding my attention for long periods of time, meanwhile having some conflict in my head thinking “I still have a lot to do today”, a clash happen can suddenly and then I stop being friendly with them and start panicking, not being rational. It used to be like that anyway.But now I am slowly building a step by step solution to save my mental integrity from bursting into pieces. This solution is a combination of loose time management, time consciousness,regular physical activity and mindfulness meditation…
And I will expand on these 4 parts in the next articles, it’s part of the plan!