One of the most important decision in your life can be about having a baby or not. Whether it is having a baby NOW or LATER, the decision is a pretty big one indeed. It is talking about having another person to look after, somebody who will rely heavily on you in every aspects of its life, well at least for 15 years…
In this post I only intend to give some humble advices and I hope useful ideas, especially for potentially future daddies. I hope this article will be useful to you in deciding to have your first child or not.
So Baby or not Baby… That is the question
Because I have 3 children, I will tend to say YES! (Unless you caught me in a very bad moment after I had to tidy up the living room 3 times because of 3 little monsters acting a bit like a Tasmanian devil’s league operating at full speed like a restless and reckless cyclone).
The first reason that come to my mind is somehow quite obvious, probably a bit cheesy for lads like us, but so true: a baby is a bundle of love!
It is to create a family, it can be the fulfilment of a joyful life, a vision that you always had since you realised you like kids. It is to carry on with life, to at last enjoy children of my own as I always loved others children and sometime it can also be an attempt to preserve love in a couple that is going through tough times.
I will not expend too much on that first reason because there are plenty of other blogs and websites, especially mums ones, that are much more expert than me on that subject…
The second reason is a bit less romantic, it is quite a natural one though, having a baby is the perpetuation of the specie and we cannot go against what is written in the deepest, elder, strongest information in each of our cells. Indeed deep down our DNA there there is an ageless mechanism that has only one purpose: to reproduce!
Well actually, I think that fortunately, there is a long way between our furthest, eldest piece of genetic code and what we feel we want. And I think that our cells do not dictate to our brain what behaviour we should have so simply:
Otherwise we will only eat and procreate, would not we?
After writing this I realise that some people I know actually do only eat and procreate!.
The third reason is a social one: everybody does it!
It is the norm, and if you are living in a couple aged between 18 and 45 and you do not have kids for whatever reasons, there will always be people looking at you in a strange way either behind your back or in front of you. So unconsciously you may want to have descendants only because of peer pressure. I can only remember one of my uncles asking frankly me every time we were meeting: “So when is it you’re having a baby?” not long after having asked repeatedly “So you still don’t have a girlfriend yet?” insinuating “What’s wrong with you?…”.
Another reason to want a baby is to be able to claim more benefits, I would like to think that it is never the main reason, but of course it can help if you or your partner cannot find a decent job, and if you are looking at the current cost of childcare you will find out that having one or more babies in some countries like England or France can really help financially to some extend.
I would like to think that it is now very rare that a household decide to have babies just to be able to have a bigger income through welfare claims, and I hope that all new babies are cherished and loved by their parents or guardians for what they are and not for what financial benefit they bring.
This is a subject that can raise passionate debate, I still think that people who makes baby just for claims and not for love at all are a very small minority, and I hope I am right.
It actually makes me think of middle age time or even not so long ago, when households were having babies just to be able to have more workforce and an extra wage as soon as possible, like here where I live in the North east of England, in early 1900, some kids were working in the mines at the age of 9 and I imagine some other children were working in the fields at that age too.
Today, child poverty is still appalling. In fact there are some countries where child labour is still happening. Again I am going off subject, so I’d better refocus on our question and maybe keep these topics for future articles…
The fifth reason why people are having babies is that they actually did not plan on having any in the first place! Again here I am not talking about a conscious choice (I exclude rape from the list because it is an awful crime in any circumstances and it should not happen at all) in this case I am talking about a “oops maybe I should have wear a condom this time…” or “did you check the ‘use by date’?” type of event.
So you may think it should not be in the list of reason that can help me to decide having a baby, but actually you still need to keep that of things in mind, to be prepared and not panic in case it really happen! You would then be in a position of a very hard choice to make and if you are not in a steady relation, you would still have your say and you would need to think calmly and respect the point of view of the main person physically, psychologically and mentally affected by the last minute choice: the woman with whom you had a sexual intercourse… This situation can involves thinking about keeping the baby or not and here again generate a passionate debate so I will not go further as I am Super Busy Daddy and I am too busy to spend time moderating a thread of passionate comments right now. There are other places for that.
In any case having a baby is life changing.
Anyway, in my next article I will look at reasons to ‘Not Have a baby’, and if you keep faith in Super Busy Daddy, then a later post will look at the final conclusion.
Thank you for reading.